Let’s Talk About Sexy Self-Care | A little heart to heart #16

Hey there my lovelies,

Welcome back to my Blog!

First and foremost, I don’t talk about this subject, i.e. SEX – it’s just one of those things that I share with a selective group of people around me, and I haven’t really touched on it here on the blog LIKE NEVER EVER. However, I’m going to try to break that ‘taboo’ today and test out how this post will be perceived . It’s so incredibly weird that I never talk about this topic but I feel the need to share my story today.

Realistically speaking talking openly about sex is still taboo in 2021 … and I feel it is especially so, when it comes to single moms. If she’s having sex, it’s expected that she beware so that she doesn’t end up pregnant again and a single mom to several children!!! If she’s not having sex, then she’s a complete prude. Which one is it? Am I promiscuous or am I a prude? The ongoing judgment just is too much sometimes.

Although it seems like ages ago, at one point in my life, I had a pretty good sex life which spanned over a few 20 years, I mean somewhere along the way my son was born, hehe??!! But in recent years, it has been practically non-existent. For the past 4 years, I had no relationship with sex (even if I was in a relationship) sexual or otherwise – with anyone. It see that I just focused on enjoying parenthood, family life, work and just living and I lost myself along the way!

Amidst all that not that I feel bothered by it but when people start questioning as to when I would start a relationship or at least go out there and have some incredible sex with someone, that is not necessarily what I need right now!!! It may be obvious to them that I needed “some” in my life to take the edge off but if I had to be totally honesty, having sex was not going to help anything – I just needed to relax. I hear you saying – Is she for real?  Haha yes, having sex is part of who me are as humans but it is a bit overwhelming thinking about having sex with someone. To add insult to injury we were hit with a pandemic and as the world stopped, everything that once was easy – it just became impossible.

Having said that and cleared out the elephant in the room out of the way! If I had to ask YOU, “What does self-care look like for you”, what would your answer be? You are more than likely to tell me getting your nails done is a self-care act or going to the hairdresser is another self-care moment or even maybe treating yourself to those shoes you have been eyeing for the past month! All acceptable answers, however, thing is, most people will almost never say it out publicly but another acceptable answer is “I’m going to treat myself by giving myself an orgasm” and it is a damn shame that we do not say it often. 

Let’s get real here vagina-owners, mental health and sexual health go hand in hand, single, married or in any other relationship! Whilst self-care is something widely talked about, self-pleasure is conveniently left out of that equation and I had to learn that the hardest way possible.

For the longest time, I thought that loving myself in that way was a bad thing, that IT was shameful and embarrassing. I mean how is it that loving yourselves in EVERY. SINGLE. WAY. is a bad thing? Fact is … that is what we were thought or at least my generation. Growing up I had to learn on a ‘trial and error’ kinda way because as difficult as it must be, I never got to sit down with my parents to discuss these matters and in return things had to be experimented and they just happened! However, that said, I learned a lot and believe me or not at 46 I am still learning, especiallu when it come to loving myself the way I am meant to love myself.

I understand having to work through shame and body issues before becoming completely comfortable with self-pleasure, but getting to an emotional place where you can push your own buttons ASAP is well worth it.

However, I am at the best place I could be in terms of self-love in the form of self-pleasure! And whole heartedly, I want to make one thing clear; you were made to love and that 1000% includes yourself and there is no one that can do show love to yourself more than you in every way possible. You know you, you know what you like, you know what you want and you know what you need. Baby, if the pandemic thought me anything is that there is no place in this world for fake orgasms and I am here to be totally real with myself!

So now that my secret’s out – shall we make more of these posts? Maybe share stories and concerns, maybe even tips of even your favourite products to use? So let’s help each other do it better. Let’s transform the way the world views sexuality and wellness. Someone once told me “babe, take charge of your personal narrative. Indulge in simple pleasures like self-love and give zero fucks to what anyone else thinks”… That, someone, was ME, to ME. And now I’m telling YOU. Take back your power Babe.

Until next time,