Hey there my lovely dolls,
Today I come to you with a bit of a heart to heart post to be honest. It will probably make most of laugh while reading this, but it’s kinda becoming a big deal for me.
I have notice that lately, I am finding myself pretty much remembering when I was 16 years old, I used to think to myself and imagine myself at FORTY and back then it sounded so OLD, FAR AWAY and WRINKLY! Being a teenager, felt like such a deal, reaching 18, was a major milestone, and it truly felt like it took forever! Reaching 21 …. well that took an eternity!!! Then all of a sudden I hit 30 (and I am like, ok now how did this happen) and still at that age, forty seems soooo distant.
However, I clearly remember that on my 30th birthday, I got shocked to the core!!!! Suddenly it seemed the 20’s were just a dream, a mere memory, in the very distant past, and you’re in the midst of a middle age crises. Trust me I am one to LURVE birthdays and I still do (kinda). I do get the ‘oh you really do not look your age’ (you made my day kinda boost) or ‘I thought you were like 28!’ (thanks familia for the good jean) but it does not stop time from passing right?
And here I am, another decade about to pass in a exactly 2 months and I hit the big 4-0 … LIKE OMG … It sounds so weird saying it out loud: “I’m going to be 40″. They say life begins at 40, but honestly do people say that to make themselves feel better. Even though it feels like my life just flew by, I have a long list of memories as a proof of these 40 years; but having all these memories make me old right?
Truth be told so far its all been cons: the date on my license (that I hide away) the “laugh lines” on my face (nothing a bit of botox can’t fix) and the white/bad hair days everyday (bless my patient hairdresser).
So say C.S. Lewis!!!
As I approach the BIG birthday, I find myself contemplating ageing. The question that is popping in my mind more often than I like it to, is the ‘where in my life should I be at, at this age’? Really people how the heck did I get to 40? Is there such a thing as ageing gracefully? Honestly it’s becoming hard to come to terms with turning 40, mostly because I keep wondering if my life is were its supposed to be. I remember at 16, I definitely did not see me as being a mum, in a relationship let alone a home-owner. I had other dreams, wishes and travelling plans. What happened to them, some came true and some not even close, many of them now made it to my bucket-list!!!!
Do the choices we take in life guide us to where we are meant to be or they merely put us on the so to say ‘safe path’. Is it crazy to carry on chasing goals and dreams? I mean look at me I started this blog when Aiden was born. Crazy huh just when time is of an issue with work, life and for a baby – I decide to go pursue a dream!!!
Regardless, having had my little boy, at a late age, surely gave me ample time to live my life, going for what my guts feeling told me to do, making sure to never ask myself “what if”. However, when Aiden was born, I stopped being that way, making safe choices, as now the most important human being depends on me. It is a constant issue with me, myself and I – if I take the time for myself, do something I wish does that mean I am being selfish?
Okay so enough rambling, 40 it’s gonna be, nothing much to do about it. I am bracing myself for you dear 40 – let’s see what you got for me – in the meantime might as well live up to the best that I can 🙂
Until next time,
XOXO
Caroline
DIVA INSIDE 
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